No one can really know how much time they have left to live, though some have a better idea than others – the terminally ill, those about to attempt suicide, or those who are under heavy fire, for example.
The rest of us, if we don’t just ignore the ticking clock, may from time to time do a little best-case scenario calculation. I do.
Some projects, like writing books, take a long time – more than a year if there aren’t any distractions, probably much longer. I’d like to see how my children’s lives go and spend time with them at the different stages in their life, but there’s no guarantee.
Philosophers have often told us that it is the brevity of life that gives it meaning, because if it just went on and on we wouldn’t have much reason to do anything at all, and eventually everything would seem tedious and pointless.
That – if true – is some consolation when thinking abstractly about death. Yet most of us feel we could do with just a bit more, a bit more quality time, a few more years in good health to do the things we really want to do.
The Roman philosopher Seneca had some good advice in response to those who worry about the brevity of life.
Keep sunblock next to your kid's toothpaste. Apply it every day as part of the morning routine. It'll become as natural as brushing her teeth.
In his essay on the topic, he suggests that the problem isn’t that life is short, it is that most people simply fritter it away.
Specifically, we allow other people to steal our time.
We make life seem short by allowing them to eat away at our precious hours as if they were nothing to us or were replaceable.
It’s a kind of intellectual blind spot. We wouldn’t let other people walk off with our material possessions, but when it comes to minutes, hours – even days – it’s a different matter.
Whole days of our life are stolen from under our noses. Seneca was surely right about this.
Perhaps the most efficient way of killing time yet devised by humanity is the unnecessary or prolonged work meeting. The regurgitation and rehashing of ideas that could have been better communicated via email ergo, saving everyone the stress of wasting invaluable time can be numbing to the mind.
Smartphones eat time too, of course. In fact, they’re voracious. We are always available via email and apps, and the psychological rewards of another click or view are always in our pocket, wherever we are.
Put on your own oxygen mask first. In other words, take care of yourself or you can't be a fully engaged parent. Parents who deprive themselves of rest, food, and fun for the sake of their kids do no one a favor. "People feel guilty when they work a lot, so they want to give all their free time to their kids," says Fred Stocker, a child psychiatrist at the University of Louisville School of Medicine, in Kentucky. "But you risk getting squeezed dry and emotionally exhausted." A spa weekend may not be realistic, but it's OK to take 15 minutes for a bath after you walk in the door. (A tall request for a kid, yes, but a happier Uno player goes a long way.) Running ragged between activities? Ask your child to prioritize, says Taylor. She may be dying for you to chaperone a field trip but ambivalent about your missing a swim meet—the ideal amount of time for a pedicure.
There are benefits to this too, of course, but it is not clear they always, or even often, outweigh the costs. Only the (slightly smug) digitally-disciplined, who batch their communications and searches, escape the heavy cognitive costs of multitasking.
I admit I’m not one of these, and it is also true how connections on social media lead to new opportunities (which they can do), but it is also true that on my deathbed I’m not going to look back on my time online as the best hours of my life.
Nevertheless, I find myself grazing on my messages and alerts throughout the day. I’m a helpless addict (also due to my work as a writer), and still, that sand is going through the hourglass.
Recognising that it’s all going to be over comparatively soon, probably with a steep decline in possibilities and faculties towards the end, should galvanise us all into action. That’s certainly what Seneca and other Stoics believed.
They felt that reflecting on your own death and how imminent it could be would focus you on getting important things done.
And when I think about time running out, I certainly do have a nagging feeling that I should spend more time with the people I really care about, deal with my social media habit, get focused, knuckle down, finally decide what I want to do with what remains of my life and then do it with ruthless efficiency before it is too late.
Encourage your child to be careful when disclosing personal information. A simple rule for younger children should be that the child should not give out their name, phone number or photo without your approval. Older children using social networking sites like Facebook should be encouraged to be selective about what personal information and photos they post to online spaces. Regardless of privacy settings, once material is online you can no longer control who sees it or how it is used.
I could be of much more use to the world and to those close to me if I channel my time properly and more constructively. I could be better in everything I do.
But, perhaps perversely, thinking of time running out often has the opposite effect on me. I don’t do the things I know I should do.
I find myself daydreaming in a café. I visit a website and start reading something that has nothing to do with what I’m working on.
Everything I feel I should really have done remains undone, and the act of reflecting on time’s winged chariot drawing near shifts me to a different state of mind, one where “getting things done” seems altogether less important than it did before.
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